Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I could fuck to npr.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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