He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
