Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
