you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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