WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
