I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize