i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
