He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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