Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
