I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
