Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
