he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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