my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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