did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
