Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
