Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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