just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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