Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
