Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
