he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
