i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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