i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
