if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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