The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
