My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
