the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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