She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
