ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
