so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
