god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
