living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
