I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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