I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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