he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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