it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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