Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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