i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
