in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
