You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
