Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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