Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
