well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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