I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
