its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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