found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
