just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
