I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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