The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
