Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
