I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
