I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
