I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
