my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
