you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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