Quick, to the slutcave!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
