What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
