I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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