If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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