It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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