new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
