THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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