At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
