The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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