oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
