Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
