I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
