I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i now understand why vodka
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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