i love accidental penises.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
