Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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